I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
