You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
