Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
