is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
