Apparently you make a good broom.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
