things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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