I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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