a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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