Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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