There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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