i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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