i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize