You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
