I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
