i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
