im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize