my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
