My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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