so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
