I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
