forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Randomize