he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
