Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
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