if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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