Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize