I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
