My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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