This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
