i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
