I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
