Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
