If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize