sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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