Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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