i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
