He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
