I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
