you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
