Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
