You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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