Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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