The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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