I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
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