you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
