My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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