you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
