your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
