she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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