I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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