I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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