There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
