Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
