Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
