Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
