areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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