Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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