next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
