someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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