it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
