You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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