do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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