Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
