I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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