Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
