everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
honey bunches of taint.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
