my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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