I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
