Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We have started to decorate penises.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
