when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
