Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
