ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
