Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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