Fine. I'll sleep in my office
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
