The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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